I am a sinner and I need more of Him!

I have a friend whom I'm going to keep anonymous. Let's say its a "He." We talk occasionally, and less than I'd like to. I love him, and I only want the best for him. During one of our conversations, I was trying to get a point across and may have went too far because the number of our conversations has decreased since then. Also, I took an objective approach in what I said on a matter where objectivity probably wasn't best suited.

I don't think pride was the reason behind the comment. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it was. I can get so caught up in "life" or "worldly pleasures" or "successes" that I'm not speaking to others with God at the forefront of my mind. I'm not acting as if God is at the forefront of my mind. Some things I say I believe as a Catholic, but do I REALLY believe them? If so, do my actions and words align with my belief?

There are a few people who have made statements to me through verbal or written communication that are so profound that I can tell you exactly where I was when we were talking or I can tell you in what book I read it. These statements changed my life. A person once told me while we were listening to the worship team practice before a youth service, "Listen to the words in this song! Think about what you are saying and singing! It's so powerful!" No one can convince me that the Holy Spirit was not in that person at that very moment! His words were said with such passion, conviction, and life-changing breath. The second statement is regarding going up to receive the Body (bread in communion, which we Catholics believe has Jesus's real presence) during Mass. He was on the front row, and listening to the Eucharistic Minister (EM) say over and over, "The Body of Christ" while the receiver responded in a dull and monotone, "Amen." Then he goes on to say, "Could you imagine if the EM's were handing out $10 million dollars, and do you think the receiver would have the same response?" No, they wouldn't. The line would be 10 miles long! And we would have a huge influx of Catholics. Catholics would go to Mass everyday. He continued with, "Well, we are getting more than $10 million dollars! We are getting His Body and His Blood!" 

I feel like the Holy Spirit is challenging me to "practice what I preach." If I truly believe that Jesus is present in the Eucharist down the street at the local Catholic church, how do I not eat my "daily bread" everyday, or at least more than once a week? If I don't go be with Jesus, then I can work more and take more credit? Yes. Of course, this could lead to an increase in pride. If I give more time to Him, and let Him take care of the rest, will everything be okay? Will He ease my worries? I think so. After all, I am a sinner and I need more of Him!

Marriage and NFP

Edited: Marriage and NFP are amazing! 

First, what is NFP? It is Natural Family Planning! It is using observable signs to determine fertility and infertility of a woman's body.

So why are Marriage and NFP SO AMAZING, Jason? 

Follow me through a thought for a minute, please. We each are made in God's image. Yet, we are male and female...two totally different beings. One (male), fertility never leaves us. The other, sometimes you are fertile and sometimes you are infertile (when no medication is taken to alter your hormones). If you are married, or have seen someone get married, did the priest say something along the lines of "and the two will become one flesh?" So would it be accurate to say that when you consummate the marriage, that you probably don't want anything between you and your spouse (ie. a condom, birth control, etc.) if you are becoming one flesh? If so, are you saying what God has created is imperfect? 

So God creates man and woman in His image. God forms the covenant bond of marriage between the man and woman. God later sends His Son to become man after many covenants were made with man, but man always broke the covenants. The ultimate purpose was that Jesus, as a man, would create a permanent covenant with God that could and would not be broken. In fulfillment of the Old Testament, Jesus, the new Adam, and Mary, the new Eve, were at the Wedding of Cana when He fulfilled His very first miracle. At a Wedding! Where a man and woman are becoming one flesh. 

Jesus, the bridegroom of the church, becomes the Passover Lamb, which we all must eat so that we may have life within you. If Jesus is the bridegroom, and His sacrifice, was a choice, based on knowledge, it was a self-gift, permanent, and life giving, then so should each of our marriages include the above. When contraceptives are used, there are opportunities to make sex about using your spouse versus loving your spouse. It refuses to allow the opportunity for life, and it is not a total self gift. 

Kim knows my total commitment of myself to her in our marriage because she sees it every day. She saw it when we lived in two different cities, 3-hours away. When visiting and she was fertile, we both felt it was important for me to finish school before having children. So we had to abstain from sex. It was rough at times, sure. But we have a stronger marriage because of it. She continues to see my total self gift everyday, and I continue to see her total self gift. 

Speaking of her self-gift, think about pregnancy and labor for a minute. I want to preface the next statement with our society has had a history of objectifying the woman's body. Society has also set a "standard" of what a woman should look like, physically. This standard should not be the standard for women of faith. The standard should be healthy (period). All women from all stages of life are beautiful, especially mothers. Think about what it does to your spouses body. Essentially, every mother made a choice to sacrifice her body to bring new life into this world, to witness a miracle, and to express her love beyond measure for her Maker and her husband. In my eyes, this truly makes a woman beautiful. Pregnancy and labor is beautiful. It's a miracle, but it is also a traumatic event. To see a live birth is truly amazing, and who that child becomes is even more amazing. Parents of children understand the sacrifices we make everyday for our children. 

When us two became one flesh, we made a bond between each other but also between us and God. Consuming the Word and the Eucharist weekly (at minimum), reminds us of the covenant that He made for man and woman. Kim and I are a cog in a wheel. We are instruments for Christ. Marriage is eternal; a covenant Kim and I are blessed to take part in; and it is a blessing to our life. Participating in marriage as it was intended with no obstructions between us has taken our marriage experience to an unworldly level. 

If you are married and practicing NFP, I want to thank you for living the faith. I'd encourage you to dig deeper into the faith. As I have learned since conversion, the faith is so much larger than I had ever imagined. There are always new things to learn. 

If you are married, not practicing NFP, and are still in years of fertility, I encourage you to jump head first into it. Open your marriage to God and life. It'll be a journey you won't forget! 

If you are not married, but plan to get married, I'd encourage you to really pray about this. Our journey continues to get better and better,

Finally, I'll leave you with a quote from Mother Teresa:
“God has created a world big enough for all the lives He wishes to be born. It is only our hearts that are not big enough to want them and accept them. We are too often afraid of the sacrifices we might have to make. But where there is love, there is always sacrifice. Ånd when we love until it hurts, there is joy and peace.”

God Bless You and Your Family,
-Jason

Response to Huffington Post Writer

Good day and peace be with you my friends,
This is a response to the following article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dear-pope-francis-end-the-religious-ritual-that-devalues_us_5787c4e4e4b0e7c8734f96f9

First, what the author does is extracts one response out of the context of the Mass. She is basing her argument on only a snippet, "I am not worthy," of the whole Mass, the liturgy of the Word and liturgy of the Eucharist. The phrase she is referring to is, "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." (Matt 8:8) This is found within the liturgy of the Eucharist. Right before, the priest elevates the host which is composed of the actual Body of Christ, "Behold the Lamb of God, behold him who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb." After we have received the Body of Christ through the liturgy of the Word, we (God's family) are preparing our hearts to receive the Body of Christ physically in consumption of the Eucharist. We first recognize and admit our faults to each other (our spiritual family), and ask each other, along with the saints, to pray for us. 

Second, she notes a verse of the Bible in Mathew 8:8, yet still pulling a verse out of context. The title of this section of the chapter is titled, "The Faith of a Centurion." She described the Centurion as "unsaved." But who knows her definition of "saved?"  In the first part of Chapter 8, Jesus heals the leper after he comes downs the mountain with all His followers. Then comes the story of the Centurion. Based on his dialogue with Jesus, it doesn't appear he is "unsaved" as he understands the significance of Jesus and his miracles. He shows Jesus great humility by saying, "I'm not worthy that you should enter under my roof..." We, as does the Centurion, recognize Jesus as the Messiah, the Son of God, etc. Otherwise, he likely wouldn't have shown the humility that he did.

The author then states, "By believing we are not worthy, we open the door for the mistreatment of ourselves and the mistreatment of others as we seek to assuage the psychological pain the false belief imparts." First off, worthy of what? To receive His Body? Yeah, we aren't. But somehow God finds it in His heart to forgive us and cleanse us of our sins so we are able to consume His Body.  Regarding the mistreatment statement, Huh? By believing with all my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ that "we are not worthy," we recognize that we all are #1 the family of God, and #2 we are human and we make mistakes. I don't think that the author believes she is perfect and NEVER makes mistakes; so I won't address that. In order to do right, we have to recognize there is wrong. In Mass, we are recognizing our faults, being cleansed of our faults/wrong and consuming the Body of Christ in an effort to become more like Him and closer to our family. 

The author says, "The guilt of unworthiness calls for us to judge ourselves and to judge others just as harshly. We cower within power-over structures or worse; we attempt to control others in our imagined superiority. The insanity continues as inferiority complexes pursue power and wealth as outward substitutes for what Jesus, Buddha, and many other saints and sages have said can only come from within." When I go to Mass every Sunday, I realize that we are experiencing what the disciples experienced. While I watch the priest elevate the host, I picture myself among the disciples while Jesus is offering His Body and Blood. "This is the Blood of the New Covenant." I love Scott Hahn's writings on his studies. He studied Covenant Theology. The Bible is a series of covenants between God and man, and every time the man has not upheld his part of the covenant. Think Adam and Eve, Noah, Abraham, etc. However, the God became MAN to establish a covenant that would not be broken. This covenant has made us His family. For that, we believers are eternally grateful for all of this that He has done for us. He is the judge. We are not called to judge each other. We are called to unify and make ourselves vulnerable among our family by recognizing and sharing our faults. 

We do not see ourselves as superior to anyone, as Catholics. We are here to serve, learn, love, and teach. Our spiritual family takes an important part of this formation.  

She continues with, "Tacking on “but only say the word and my soul shall be healed” is not enough. Jesus did say the Word. Yet, Christianity along with many other religions, continue to shove a dagger of inequality into the hearts of those the religious community is supposed to be serving. Where is the healing?" My friend, if you truly understand the Mass, you would understand that's exactly where the healing is...in the Mass with our family....in the liturgy of the Word and the liturgy of the Eucharist. Our faith is not divisive as it brings our family together, and often. We learn with what each of us struggle, with what each of us need help, and we offer support and love to all of our brothers and sisters in Christ. The Church is always open to bringing more individuals into the faith, into the support system, and into the family. 

Yes, we go to Mass every Sunday. I don't curse you if you don't attend. Its my purpose to love you, first and foremost. But also to listen and serve you. If during that time, I'm given an opportunity to share my story, I will. By Christ apparent in my story, I hope that God speaks to your heart. I hope he gives you the desire for spiritual eyes and the yearning for sharing His Body at the table. 

She says, "Daily we see the emotional pain of inner self-hatred projected into the world through acts of violence. This behavior originates from feeling disconnected, powerless, and undervalued. A false belief in unworthiness contributes to drug and alcohol abuse and deviant behavior. Many continue to leave religion as they seek more positive and supportive environments elsewhere." As a Catholic man, I can say there is no "inner self-hatred" here, or acts of violence. I'm not sure to which violence you are referring. But the Church teaches us to respect ALL forms of life, including the unborn. If the behavior of violence originates from feeling "disconnected, powerless, and undervalued," then maybe the lack of a family, like the Church provides, is exactly how this it is projected into the world? We must be careful to be honest with ourselves and recognize the need for a family. 

The author indicates, "The sooner we speak of our goodness; the sooner we can truly unify as a people. Then faith isn’t even required—we become the living Word." Because we recognize our faults to each other during the Mass, we effectively tell each other that we need each other. We need our spiritual family. We learn, grow and rely on each other. We are unified because we do more than just go to Mass every Sunday. We reach out to our fellow brothers and sisters and spend time with them. 

One thing that sticks out to me in this last statement, "Then faith isn't even required." As Kim can attest, I get very excited to share the Church's teachings, what has been revealed to me through demolishing book after book including the Bible, and how my spiritual eyes have been opened. My hope is that others can see my passion for the Mass and my family in my life and experiences. I'm humbled to be a part of such a large, supportive, and loving family. 

"It’s time for a mass healing. I implore you to call for an end to the religious ritual of the declaration of unworthiness. As children of God, we are equally worthy—even the “ignorant.”"

It IS time for a MASS healing. As children of God, we are called to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, to the Mass, communion, and family. We must be careful to stop talking and start listening. We must act as Christ, and love our neighbor. Only by God's grace are we worthy to receive the Body of the once-and-for-all sacrifice of His own's Son's Body. The faith does not call for inequality, but for each family member's call to serve by using their talents. 

In saying all this, I fail to see the relationship that the writer is attempting to make that "I am worthy" is causing divisiveness. The Church unifies God's family. All are welcome to join us at Mass for a healing. 

I apologize for any errors as this was written off the cuff more so than usual. 

Until next time, my friends,
Jason

Family and Extended Family

Good day all and peace be with you,
When I was born, my parents had friends that were pregnant and due at the same time. Turns out my parents friends were also pregnant with a boy. Four days before I was born one of my best friends (effectively my brother as we were and are so close) was born in the same hospital. We often lived close to each other (on the south side of Lakeland, Florida, which was just north of Mulberry) and of course got into all kinds of mischief together. I could write hundreds of pages of all the things we did without thinking about the consequences (Using circular saw blades as frisbees in never a good idea). However, I will spare you. 

We attended Mulberry Church of God in Mulberry, Florida. My grandmother (mom's mom - Lavon) ran the daycare and pre-k. My grandmother's brother (Uncle Bobby) was a pastor there, my mom's brother (Davie) was a youth pastor. This was at all different times. Although, some time periods may have overlapped. My mom worked there as a clerk as well for a period of time. As you can imagine, I was at the church and school often, and there were a lot of people that could keep an eye on me. 

For a while, there were a core group of kids that were at the school. We all grew into great friends as I'd also see them in church on Sunday and Wednesdays. I do remember when we were 5 years old or younger, I had one of my good girl friends over to spend the night. I remember we had hot dogs. I'm sure it was a Friday because the next morning I remember watching cartoons with her. I don't know if she remembers this, but if she wants to comment on this post, she is welcome. Haha. I see mostly all of what I call "my extended family" on social media today, and think, my how times have changed. Most all of us have kids, which is crazy to think about. Some have had their lives cut short and gone to meet our Lord and are experiencing His love up close. What an amazing thought! 

The group of us, y'all know who you are, have become good citizens. My hope is that, although I don't get to talk to you much these days, you have remained steadfast in Christ while continuing to pursue His love and mysteries. You and your families were part of the foundation for my growth as a man. You will always remain close to my heart.  

Along with "my extended family", I'm almost certain we were baptized around the age of 5 at Mulberry Church of God, after receiving Jesus into our hearts. 

Back track a year, in 1987, my little sister, Amanda, was born. She came into this world a little different than me. She was not the baby that sat in the middle of the living room playing for hours; she pushed the limits. She competed often with her older brother, who at the time wasn't super competitive but imagine I liked to push her buttons. I can still hear her shrieking squeaky voice, "AH!" every time I tried to "help" her. From the moment she could eat solids til I was about 30, I didn't eat salads because she didn't eat salads. She didn't eat anything of color for that matter. She was and still is a little Ronnie Jr. Maybe that's why I look up to her.

My family and I remained at Mulberry Church of God up through 5th grade.

Although I was now baptized, it didn't stop me from disobeying my parents and attempting to defy their instruction. For that defiance, I was met with spankings, restriction, or both. Their teachings in respect of authority and obeying them was near the top of priorities for learning. There were lines that were made known that would not be crossed. If I stepped close to the line, I knew I'd have some kind of discipline coming.

There was an "uncle" that married into the family that really tested my respect for him. I was about 12 or so, and kind of a husky kid. Not obese like I am now (haha - working on combating that), but a little baby fat. This "uncle" would point to my huskiness a lot anytime around him. I'd cringe because I'd want to retaliate. But my mom was always close by and she'd look at me with THE LOOK and I knew she was thinking, "Don't you dare talk to an adult in a disrespectful manner." Soon that experience and lesson passed, and I took a valuable experience from it. It wasn't all discipline early on in life though.

At Mulberry Church of God, my parents signed up to run the Children's church. I remember helping my parents with putting this on every Sunday. Doing puppets, singing, dressing up as characters, etc. I greatly enjoyed ministering to others. I found great joy in sharing the love of God. 

We had my dad's brother (Doug) and his family that moved close to us around this time. One of my mom's brothers (Anthony) was a coach of a City of Mulberry baseball team for the 10 - 12 year old boys. My cousins (my dad's brother's son - Allen and my mom's brother's sons - Chris and Josh) all played baseball in the city league. My dad helped coach my team as well. I played for two years. I wasn't spectacular, obviously, as now I'm in real estate. I grew close to my uncle Doug and his family as they lived next door for a good period of time. I always have a good time with these cousins (Jen, Allen, Becky). 

As you probably have noticed, we have always been near a lot of family. We spent a lot of time with a lot of family. My mom's family still have their annual family reunion. We'd take many trips to see my great grandmother, Tommie Lee Hagan, as she lived on a river that led to a lake about an hour north of Lakeland. Spending so much time with her and other family members, even the not-so-nice ones, taught me a lot about life and what is important. 

Although I miss my Granny dearly, I'll always cherish our fishing outings. Sure I wish my daughters had a chance to meet her. But one day, my friends, one day.

Until next time, my friends.
- Jason

Where It All Began!

Good day all and peace be with you,
I am starting a blog because I thought it may be good to spend some time recording my journey through this crazy thing called life. My hope is this will be beneficial for my readers.

Following recent news of hate crimes happening almost daily, I agree with most of my fellow Christians in that this world needs more prayer and God. What better way than to share my story. But first, I think a lot of who I am is attributed to my upbringing. So here goes some bragging on my parents, since they deserve it, and don't get enough. They are humble and probably would not let me press "Publish" if they were here. But I'm in Texas! Nana Nana Boo Boo!

It all started in 1981, when my mom (Sheri) and my dad (Ronnie) said "I Do." They were married at Mulberry Church of God in Mulberry, Florida. My great Uncle Bobby (my mom's mom's brother) was the Pastor that married them. In the 1982, my parents said Yes to Life and conceived a baby boy. On March 5th, 1983, I was born. 

Growing up, my parents demanded respect, responsibility, and faith from me and my sister. Respect came to us naturally as our butts were whipped with a belt if we were not respectful to authority/elders and others. There were some hard lessons here later in life. Responsibility came a little later when I thought my parents would buy me the $70 pair of jeans instead of the $30 pair. Instead, they provided me a job to work for money to spend on jeans, should I so wish. Every time the doors were open on the church, we were there. Every opportunity to be put to work, I was put to work. Not knowingly, there were forces or people behind my parents guidance...my mother's mom and aunt's and uncles. 

My mom, dad and my mom's family were always heavily involved in running churches, or participation in church activities. There were extended family members grounded in the faith that set the example for my parents, and my parents were and are still grounded in their faith. This really set the precedent for my raising. My grade schooling consisted of private schools, which were almost always connected to the church we were attending at the time. Didn't matter what the cost, my parents sacrificed a great deal for me and my sister to attend private school. I'm sure there were financial stresses caused by sending us to private school, although my parents did a great job of hiding it, or just being humble and thankful for what we had. 

My father began his own painting and repair business when I was a young child. I think he was eager to put me to work and teach me about responsibility and work ethic. After all, his father was a great example of work ethic. If you know my dad, he is not just a talker, he's a doer! 

With only a high school education, my father has grown his business substantially and is on the verge of 30 years of business. He has survived very difficult economic times. It would be unrepresentative to say that he did it alone. God was always first, no matter what the cost. For that, I personally believe my parents are and continue to be blessed. And with their blessings, its amazing to me to know that they give most of them away to bless others. (Sorry for squealing, mom) I won't get into specifics out of respect for my parents.Coming from a family not grounded in faith, he embraced my mother's faith and lives it out every day. With his faith at the forefront and his dedication to family and work, my father has set a perfect example for me as a father now.

My mom and dad just celebrated 35 years of marriage. What a fantastic example they are setting in that respect. They have set the bar high. So high, I hope I can be as good as my father, led by Our Father, to lead my growing family to attain or exceed that bar. 

That is all for now. Over the next few posts, I hope to take you more through my journey so far. Until next time, my friends.

- Jason

A Broken Catholic Man

Good day and peace be with you, 
You are probably thinking Jason write a blog? Admittedly, there will likely be many mistakes as I'm far from an English major. I have been thinking and praying recently about starting a blog. At first, I thought, "it'll be great! I can write down everything about me and my life, how I made it to Texas, etc." However, I began thinking of ramifications of a blog and writing my story. Computers and the internet allow us to tell our story to our future generations without the risk of being deteriorated on notebook paper. As a result, everything I have written will undoubtedly become permanent one day. Said another way, there will be a time when I won't be able to correct what I've written, or further explain it. Then, I started thinking about my faith journey. What if I said something that was false about my faith? What if I shared too much? What if my great great grandson interprets something I've written wrong? 

I think this is what has lead me to decide to publish a blog. One, I'm banking on my fellow Christians to keep my writings in line as far as truth. Secondly, talking about my errors and mistakes will show my humanity and my brokenness. Not in light of regret or a negative tone though, but how they have shaped me into the man I am today, a Broken Catholic Man.

I hope you enjoy reading about my journey, and you are able to take something away.